Posted by: alegra22 | October 24, 2012

summary before sleep

I’m trailing my fingers through Sol’s hair.

I hum the same lullabye I’ve been humming for six years now.

I stop to inhale and his hand reaches up, afraid I might be leaving him.

He doesn’t say anything.

I smile in the dark.

He relaxes.

I begin to hum again.

My mind is full of unwritten blogs, bills to pay, treating the ‘leaf curl’ on the stone fruit trees, the interview for the teacher training on Friday, menus to plan.  It goes on and on. A screeching monkey. A traffic jam. White noise.

In the center of this storm, the thoughts that pull my shoulders up around my ears, the expectations and anxieties that tense my muscles with this fight or flight, as if any moment I might be lifted and carried away, is this:

The quiet interlacing of Zaviera’s fingers through mine as she drifted off to sleep.

Joaquin’s hand reaching for my cheek and pulling my face towards his; he pressed his nose into mine and his eyes became a blur within mine. “My mommy,” he whispered. He kissed me and smiled.

My husband, home after a day of work, the edges of his body on alert for what I might need, both of us wondering if we will have even a spark of energy left to relax in the bones/muscle/breath/scent of one another.

 

And as I tug gently on the ends of Sol’s hair I think: there will be a night when I can’t comfort my children like this.

And then I think:

It doesn’t matter. Here I am, my hands in his hair.

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Responses

  1. I would say “good luck” for your interview…but you don’t need it, cause it’s guaranteed…

  2. Beautiful…this was a balm to my soul right now…so sweet.


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