Posted by: alegra22 | January 1, 2011

rising up

Tonight it was pointed out to me that not only is it a new year, but also the end of a decade. Ten years ago I was paddling out to surf beneath the moon. The swells were a deceptive shifting of the horizon rising up beneath my board before I had a chance to judge them. I was scared but committed. There are some things that have not changed – I still find myself scared but committed to paddling out into the unknown. 

It has taken me ten years to apply what I learned that night: My instincts deserve to be trusted. Not only do they have my best interests at heart but also those of others. They are wiser, kinder, and more generous than I am. My gut feelings don’t condemn, they guide me away from the shallow rocks and they urge me to paddle over the waves that are too big.  

Ten years ago, in a state of near blindness, my instincts brought me to my feet and allowed me to glide along the face of a wave I couldn’t see. When the wave was over, I dove beneath the surface and opened my eyes to look at the phosphorescent plankton. It lit up the ocean like a series of swirling galaxies…as it is on earth, so it is in heaven.

Tonight, I sit at a small kitchen table in California, summoning my faith in the new year. The horizon begins to lift against the dark unknown of the future. Behind my eyes, the galaxy winks in the form of images from the day: my daughter’s pigtails held by bright yellow flowers, Sol crying in the bath because he doesn’t want to leave his grandparents, Joaquin standing in the middle of the kitchen applauding and smiling, his mouth open wide, while my husband looked up at me in a way that made me wonder how I ever fooled him into loving me so unconditionally.

It has not been an easy year for us. It has been full of sorrow and grace. Success and delays. Unconditional love and a need for tough choices. The lessons of this last decade have taught me that my instincts are never wrong. Everything I want for my family in 2011 is already moving toward me, a force that only asks me to quietly wait for that moment when it rises up beneath my feet.

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Responses

  1. Nicely said. It is a new decade. As such it deserves a bit of reflection thinking back over the past decade shows me that love was the best investment that grew in ways I never thought possible

    • Grant, amen to that. I woke up thinking about you this morning and was going to write to thank you for your presence in my life. Bring on the coffee and the new year! Much love to you.

  2. May it be so, my friend! Many prayers for you and yours to have a blessed new year with much happiness, singing, dancing, twirling around and around and falling down laughing. Prayers for your whole family. Sending joy and courage, tears and smiles to you all from sunny Arizona.

    • Thank you!!! I hope the year ahead carries your wildest dreams upon its back!

  3. happy new year alegra. here’s to another 10 years (and then some) of knowing you, and of watching you paddle out – we’re all behind you.
    xoxosheaxoxo

    • Happy New Year to you Shea!
      And thank you for the ‘huzzah!’ there is nothing more encouraging than hearing the hoots and hollers from friends when you’re paddling for a big one. xoxoox

  4. I love this: “I still find myself scared but committed to paddling out into the unknown.” And I relate. Oh yes! I’m so grateful to have found you in my world this year! HAPPY NEW YEAR, Alegra!

    • I feel the same about you! Here is to jumping to our feet and riding this year xoxoxo

  5. Beautiful!


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